No Zhong Nan Hai?

Last weekend, I scoffed at my friend who pessimisticly claimed that Pudong no longer has Zhong Nan Hai Cigarettes. Me being the everlasting commanding, arrogant Kurt Russell figure says, "You're joking man! You must be absolutely crazy!"

Of COURSE there's Zhong Nan Hai cigarettes throughout Shanghai & throughout China! It's the staple of all red-blooded laowai smokers across China!.

Monday. I went to my cigarette shop and said, "Zhong Nan Hai, Liu kuai wu de." The woman behind the desk says, "I'm sorry. We only have the si kuai de.". Of course I reacted, "What? You're surely not serious!" and to my army behind me, I bellowed, "Jaffa, KREE!" and promptly slayed the infidels. Then I took my 4 kuai cigarettes home with me.

Tuesday. I went back. After having slain the infidels, I asked what strangely looked like the same lady as the day before, "Do you have Zhong Nan Hai 6 Kuai de cigarettes?" Again, she said no, and offered me the cheaper, 4 kuai version. Again, I instructed my army to this time, teach the whole neighborhood a lesson. Fire and Brimstone was the story of the afternoon. Then I took my 4 kuai cigarettes home with me.

Wednesday. For whatever reason, the cigarette shop was again rebuilt, despite my retribution, but I fore-went that shop and went to where the princess of Beer resides. I had with me, 4 lonely, empty bottles of beer, which yearned to be reunited with their bretheran. The bottles sent out psychic messages, instilling in my mind a feeling of depression and remorse. I MUST CAST THE BOTTLES INTO THE PITS OF MOUNT SUNTORY! Only then would Middle Earth (or middle fridge) be FREE!

So, I returned my emptys and asked my princess of Beer, "Do you have any Zhong Nan Hai 6 Kuai de?"

SideNote: My lovely wife, who now has a blog of her own here, has NO IDEA that I call her the princess of Beer. She's so damned cute! Don't tell her, okay?

Alas, the Princess of Beer says....






no.

"BUT," she says in her Carlton Banks 'White Man Voice', " We have a LOVELY assortment of different brands of Marlboro! Look! Some are Red, while Others are GOLD!"

I suddenly think back to last weekend. Alex. The now hitched bearer of bad fortunes. Perhaps he was right.

One last chance I thought.

I went to Senses Wine Lounge last night and stopped at MY store. The one store who never lets me down. Hesitantly, I asked, "Do you have 6 kuai de Zhong Nan Hai?" The answer.... well let's just skip the pathetic, depressing drivel I would normally put here.

Shopkeeper (as played by Mace Windu): Alas, we have no Zhong Nan Hai.
ME (as played by Tom Cruise [as always]) Depressed voice: Whatever has the world come to, where a hard working blue-collar man such as myself can't even enjoy the benefits of a simple Zhong Nan Hai after work.

the horror...

SO, Shanghai has run out of Zhong Nan Hai. Damn! Guess I'll have to switch to Marlboro.